So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
