Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
