i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
