Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
