At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
