right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
