Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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