I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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