it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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