just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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