You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
