You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
