You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
