did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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