he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
