The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
