He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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