Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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