Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I've blown a few things in my day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
