Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
