Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
