so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
