stop calling my apartment porn island.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
