There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
