Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
