i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize