nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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