I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize