At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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