fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
