I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize