Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
