i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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