I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
