doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
