There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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