I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
