Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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