On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
