it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
