flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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