just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
