found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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