I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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