dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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