So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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