I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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