capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
