it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
