apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
