The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
