somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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