I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
