Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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