ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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