I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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