I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize