You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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