sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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