I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
