Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
