Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
