Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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