At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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