i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
