I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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