I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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