4 words: hood of his car
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
