I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
