Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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