I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
