What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
