Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
