At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize