I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
