he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
