I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
