You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
