No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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