I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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