Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
