if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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