we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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