I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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