the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
