My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
