If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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