I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wear drunk well.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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