She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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