You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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