just come out here and I will go home with you...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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