his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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