Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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